a pair of red shoes to change your life…

a pair of red shoes to change your life…

Trust me, the only thing you need most during your hormonal catastrophe is a pair of new shoes. Style is your choice but for me a pair of red stripped leather shoes is really-really suits me… thanks to mbak meidi who made my dream come true…
It all begun with my failed pregnancy. He/she must have been 12 weeks old but he/she didn’t make it. We were sad at once, but life move on and we are survive. However, later, I realized that the hardest part is dealing with my unstable emotional condition. Maybe it’s because the hormone running in my body or maybe it‘s just about coping with my failure. Yes, I thought this is my own failure and feels that I didn’t capable enough. This thought became consuming day by day and everything was in a mess.
But I have to stop! Take a deep breath and think rationally.
So, what I needed most is having deep and enlightening conversations with my beloved friends and having a solitary trip on a train. Because the train is moving so fast with me in it, it gave me the atmosphere that life is moving and so does my life.
And then, here come the shoes. Wait, it doesn’t mean that the red shoes is more precious than my pregnancy! No! No at all! The shoes is symbolizing a new energy for me. After the breakdown and an almost broken-hearted condition, I need a sanctuary, or maybe a lovely souvenir to remind me that this bitter-sweet experience have had been through.
The flat soled shoes with red leather stripped around my legs. It feels comfortable, relaxin g, and the important thing is the red color. Then i suddenly was willing to write again after a long- long time.
Honestly, It’s been months since I updating my blog. I almost forget how to write. The words just didn’t come out from my thought. Even my wedding day, I thought i’m gonna write as soon as the wedding day hectic is over. I wish i could tell the wedding preparation, the irritating comments, how nervouz I was, how we managed 700 invitation cards, the caterings, or maybe the souveniers, but I was speechless and didn’t know how to start.
It seems like i’m entering the comfortable zone: I’m home. Not just physically, but also my wandering heart has found her home. He gives me love, more than i have imagined before. I feel secure, safe and sound..
Then I realized that no poems were written. There were no anxieties from where my poems have their energy. Let’s say those period was over. And I face new life – new challenge.
And then, after this failure, I try to write again. Even though there are no poems yet, but the important thing is I begin to rearrange my life. Writing is simple and yet also a meditating activity. So here I am, typing words by words, contemplating my self and survive.. or at least we try…


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